You're on facebook at 3:36 am wondering why nobody's on chat. You haven't had an intelligent conversation in months. You don't know why nothing feels happy. You wonder, "Will I ever ever enjoy sex again?"
No, you're not hospitalized in a psych unit.
Having a baby is without competition, the most out-of-control time in a woman's life. Yes, you may have learned some tricks that you've kept in your hip pocket from the last one. There are always more books to read and online stuff to look at that is helpful. But the reality is: We lose control of our body and often parts of our mind during this time.
This is not to say there is no joy. Humans can experience great love and joy no matter what their physical condition. This lack of control of our body is actually a fascinating ride as we touch with our hands the person who came from inside us, as we lie in bed right after the birth feeling like a rock star, and as we feel our milk come in. OMG.
What I'm saying here is that no matter how well you've prepared, there is a certain amount of letting go and trusting the process that you have to do when giving birth.
This can be downright terrifying if you've been one of those high achievers. You know, the organizer that has everything done and the event prepared down to snacks for the clean up crew. Or the one who manages ten people at work, goes to the gym five nights a week, and remembers to ecard everyone on their birthday.
I was one of those. I practically ran my college. I did not get all A's. I think they had to give me the Outstanding Senior plaque because the list of things I was in charge of, was twice as long as anyone in the class.
Yup, I just loved organizing things; the bigger the better. But having that itty-bitty baby was more challenging than any of the other stuff. I didn't fit into any clothes. I felt fat. And looking down at those giant boobs...Was that really me?
After about three babies I finally learned that I had to allow my body to go through its changes and let nature take the time it needed. I learned that my real job was to make myself feel as good as possible, so that I could give love, not just care, to my family.
After a C-setion with baby number seven, nothing I did could flatten my pooch. I think it was the control freak in me that found pilates back when the only one doing it was Mari Winsor. I said to myself, "This is it! Finally a way to flatten my belly. If I can just do some every day, I will fit into my clothes again!"
In my interactive video pilates workouts, it's all about control. I guess after going through so many pregnancies, I can't get enough of that fantastic feeling of a toned, fit pilates body. Call it an addiction if you like. I jokingly tell my students, "Pilates is great for codependants. It's all about control!"
But it's no joke when you don't know if you'll ever have your body back. When you know your partner loves you but you can tell he'd like it back too. My Pre and Postnatal Pilates series covers everything. Even pilates tips for a few days after the birth.
What was the challenging part of your recovery? Leave your comments. I really do read them and respond.
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