Is there more Love?

I recently had the honor of spending the day with someone the second day after cancer surgery. He was in and out of sleep with plenty of discomfort.

Slowly walking the halls holding a pole connecting him to several tubes including a large one in his nose, he looked up and asked, "Why did I have to come here and do this again?"

We all know the short answer. But how does someone live a healthy lifestyle of moderation, working out doors, and loving what they do get to this place? Could he have taken better vitamins? Avoided well water? Used sunscreen?

The list goes on. He's found himself in an unfamiliar place of weakness, limitation, and pain knowing this is only the beginning.

What can we take from this? "Life is unpredictable." "Appreciate the moment." "Bla, bla, bla...."

I know you've heard that before. But did you know that we can actually grow in appreciation for the health we have and our already amazing benefits to new and higher levels?

Why don't we allow ourselves to go there? Its like hearing about an amazing destination, finding yourself standing at the gate staring at the first class ticket in your hand, then sliding it back down into your pocket.

Today don't just acknowledge a few good things and shake your head "yes." Let's stoke it up! Feel the goodness around you. Think of new things to appreciate and take time to milk those feelings until you're surprised to find yourself in a place of love you've never been before.

When people ask what its like to have seven kids, I often say love multiplies. It doesn't divide. As we actively think and feel appreciation, each moment will unfold better that the last.

My Father is on a rough road. But I know the love he has allowed to multiply through the years will lighten his burden. Love is all that really matters.

Lifestyle Disease

Lifestyle Disease by Online Pilates Instructor, Judy Farmer

Would you have ever thought of hiring a personal trainer twenty years ago? Back then, hiring someone to help you or your kids loose weight and exercise regularly would have been something reserved for professional athletes or the rich. And that mat in the back of your vehicle was something you had just bought from home depot.

According to economic trend predictor, Paul Zane Pilsner, income per family tripled in the 90s. Living large meant living larger for many people with obesity swelling populations like Michigan and Texas to epidemic portions; oops, I mean proportions. He now says the wellness industry is set for great expansion. I believe that along side social media, wellness will be the new dot com boom minus the fallout. 

Our culture had become driven by economics. As our health waned, our expendable income grew and we chose to expand our physical life in terms of cars, homes and a plethora of other stuff like gadgets, furniture and clothes. Our tendency generally went from work hard to play hard and we began to loose touch with our bodies.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have our health and fun too? I believe we can!

Let's have a little compassion on our party culture. Most of our parents couldn’t show us any example of handling extra money because they never had it. How many of your Moms had fitness club membership or did pilates at home? We watched them work hard each day grateful for food on the table and a roof over it all. When the money started coming, our first reaction generally was, “Lets get more food and a bigger house.”

Over half the people in my pilates classes used to suffer greatly from this disease. They’ve worked hard or still do. They come to me weak and overweight, driving beautiful cars and living in comfortable homes. Sadly, as I mentioned in my article “Staying Healthy at Work”, many know they are getting weaker and live in pain rather that missing any work. They are accustomed to a large home with few people in it. They feel like they can’t do without it while some are loosing years of life through obesity and the resulting cardiovascular disease, diabetes mellitus, and much more.

Their doctors deserve a little compassion as well. Because these patients can’t/won’t change their lifestyles, the docs have no choice other than to proscribe medicines that only treat symptoms and may have negative side effects over time.

Economic downturn and ill health have been our wake-up call. A blessing in disguise. Again, my mantra “go within” comes in handy. Many of us DON’T KNOW HOW. We shy away from spiritual forms of exercise. 

That’s where being a pilates instructor comes in handy. I teach people to “go within” without them knowing it. I know that their breathing and focus take them into a trance-like state where they are able to receive affirmations like “ I am so grateful for my excellent body.” or “I am so proud of myself for taking care of my lovely and beautiful body.” 

As our western culture receives this wake up call, lets feel compassion and gratitude. We all have to admit we’ve somehow been victims of “lifestyle disease.”

Diastasis Recti During Pregnancy? No Worries!

A medical term that strikes terror in the hearts of many young women; this common occurrence is another reason why some decide not to enjoy the phenomenal experience of giving birth. 

I actually had some fun with it. While pregnant with number seven, Christina, I could literally get hold of her little foot. One reason is that the uterus wall gets thinner and more pliable after several pregnancies. That alone with the opening of the muscle in mid belly made it easy to touch her and play with her. 

Her siblings were able to enjoy her too.

Yes I still have the scourge. If I engage my abs I can easily feel the sort of, crack down the middle. Does it hurt? Am I self-conscious? Are there any physical ramifications whatsoever? I think you know my answer.

You know you can begin pilates exercise the same day your baby is born? That's right. Just stand or sit as tall as you can and engage your abs. Become aware of your body and breath completely as you stand tall and hold your precious baby.

One reason many are so concerned is that no one wants a big belly when they aren't pregnant. The topic that should draw real concern is insulin insensitivity. In Pilates for Weight Loss I explain the main reason for belly fat and the simple lifestyle changes that help my clients and myself keep that beautiful tapered waistline we all desire.

The medical community has to call it something, but don't let fear of this very common occurrence create confusion about the real belly fat culprit!

Did She Say "Free Pilates Exercises for Pregnancy?"

Sweating, breathing, squeezing your partner's hand; they finally tell you that it's time to push!

You have no choice but to dig in and wait for the next contraction. You feel that crazy powerful pressure coming on again, so you bear down and do as they tell you. It's unlike anything you've ever felt. It's awkward at first. You try again....

The clock ticks as everyone shouts at you like your running with a football. But you've had a bad back for months and you've spent most of your spare time resting. You've allowed your muscles to weaken in an attempt to avoid pain or injury. You're completely exhausted. You can't push anymore.

Pregnant with my first baby, I remember telling my OBGYN that I was sore after doing water aerobics. I was offended at first when he started laughing. He gently let me know that I don't need to be concerned about the normal aches that go along with a good workout. He let me know that it won't hurt the baby and that it would help make the birth easier!

As I had more children I saw that the more reasonably active I was during the first 36 weeks, the easier it was to get through the last four, and the quicker I recovered! My free local pilates sessions are uniquely designed to keep you strong and flexible and feeling great before and during your pregnancy.

When the baby comes and you are home-bound for a while, safe, online pilates for birth recovery classes are a convenient and affordable way to get your body back in the shortest time possible. And you can try it for two weeks free.

Why Pilates for Pregnancy?

• Safety. Pilates exercises are slow and controlled.
• Ease. You can start at any fitness level.
• Convenience. You can do them at home on the floor.
• Effectiveness. Women who do pilates are stronger and less prone to injury.
• Universalness. Physical therapists use many pilates exercises for their patients.

Real Women Have Babies

Remember before you had your second child? I'm not talking about those of you who can't get pregnant. You were concerned with things like your toenails and your clean counter tops. Now your thoughts go to "Will I sleep tonight?"and "Will I actually use that running stroller?"

I know you still care about details, but you've had to let go of some of them. The clutter around you and is something you my not have tolerated B.C. (before children). And that bathroom!

Well I'm here to congratulate you. As much as we try to fight the monkey on our back which says "look at your messy house! You need to get those weeds pulled! You haven't sent that card yet!" You, my dear, have likely become a more full, more accepting, and a more loving person.

When you delineate priorities and pull back; when you shelve, for a time, priorities number 3, 4, and for God's sake number 5, you put yourself on the level of the millionaire entrepreneur. Women who have to tackle the task of managing little ones and a home and a job of some sort, and learn to stay positive, are powerful beyond imagination.

Fine Points:

Every day we make choices concerning how we think and use our time. When we work on the very basic task of choosing thoughts that encourage ourselves, that cut us a break; when we choose to back off when we are getting irritated, to see the cuteness of our son when we gently take the paring knife out of his little hand, we move in a direction of amazing power.

What's so great about that? Moms of little ones have the gift of many opportunities to practice this power throughout the day. This is the reason motherhood is praised.

But We Have a Choice

The other side is that most of these opportunities happen when no one is looking. Our character test as moms, often feels like walking in unprepared for MCATs. The toilet overflows. Someone chooses to cry all the way home. Even something as significant as a difficult marriage.

But we do have one great advantage. We can begin again at any time! How? By doing something to help ourselves relax and feel good. Maybe we need to let things go and lye on the floor and let them play around us for a while. Maybe we can bite the bullet and let someone watch them so we can go for a walk, talk to God, or work out by ourselves. Whatever it takes to shift our mood back to feeling pretty good, liking ourselves, and thinking about things that keep us in that place.

Trust yourself. Prioritize staying positive. Believe me, you are creating a great future by feeling good now!

Pop Pilates

Cheerful, energetic, sexy, and fun to watch. Short, specialized exercise videos by Cassie are powerful, with great titles and pop music.

But how many of us get out our mat and work out with those? Few people actually click to work out. Why not? These are good trainers. It looks like fun. 

I can think of a few reasons.

We already know that there are men and boys who watch pilates workouts for the thrill, but what about people looking for a workout routine? What about those who would like to begin changing their bodies.

That’s the tough part. Here’s the scenario: You look through a bunch of thumbnails and titles. You see one that you think you might like. It might target a certain area of the body like everyone’s favorite, the “butt” or “bum” in Europe. Don’t you feel objectified already?

You click. Watch a commercial. Then your instructor comes on and tries to fit several super duper butt exercises into a 10-15 minute video. You watch their cute body and start to think, “My god, she looks good. I could never look that good. My butt is so flabby and fat compared to hers.”

So you just sit and watch.

What if you are really determined that day?

You do your best and feel pretty good afterward. But wait a minute, where do I go from here? What about the rest of my body?...Let's see....maybe I can find one for flat abs. Oh, ok. “Lose the Muffin Top.”

You click and wait for the commercial. Then a different person comes on. “Wow! She sure is skinny. I wonder if those are real....Okay, let's go.”

This time you're not sure if it’s pilates or something else. You try and follow along and ten minutes later the video ends. You’ve just done crunches, pushups, and side planks. Your back feels achy and tight. What about the stretching and warm up in the beginning? What about the stretching and relaxation at the end? What about my neck, legs, and shoulders? 

Let’s find another one...

OK this looks like a pilates yoga combo. You watch the ad....Maybe I’ll get more stretching here. She looks nice. Very peaceful...OMG what is she doing? How do you get your foot over there?  ...A little advanced for me. 

On to another....

Whoa! the camera seems to really focus on her glutes and chest. Oh Brother. Now those can’t be real....Okay let's glance at the thumbnails on the right....hmmm...What the heck is that? They look like they are having fun....Is that the Loch Ness monster?...

That’s enough. I’m going back to Judy.

Postpartum Pilates - What Just Happened to My Body?

You're on facebook at 3:36 am wondering why nobody's on chat. You haven't had an intelligent conversation in months. You don't know why nothing feels happy. You wonder, "Will I ever ever enjoy sex again?"

No, you're not hospitalized in a psych unit.

Having a baby is without competition, the most out-of-control time in a woman's life. Yes, you may have learned some tricks that you've  kept in your hip pocket from the last one. There are always more books to read and online stuff to look at that is helpful.  But the reality is: We lose control of our body and often parts of our mind during this time.

This is not to say there is no joy. Humans can experience great love and joy no matter what their physical condition. This lack of control of our body is actually a fascinating ride as we touch with our hands the person who came from inside us, as we lie in bed right after the birth feeling like a rock star, and as we feel our milk come in. OMG.

What I'm saying here is that no matter how well you've prepared, there is a certain amount of letting go and trusting the process that you have to do when giving birth.

This can be downright terrifying if you've been one of those high achievers. You know, the organizer that has everything done and the event prepared down to snacks for the clean up crew. Or the one who manages ten people at work, goes to the gym five nights a week, and remembers to ecard everyone on their birthday.

I was one of those. I practically ran my college. I did not get all A's. I think they had to give me the Outstanding Senior plaque because the list of things I was in charge of, was twice as long as anyone in the class.

Yup, I just loved organizing things; the bigger the better. But having that itty-bitty baby was more challenging than any of the other stuff. I didn't fit into any clothes. I felt fat. And looking down at those giant boobs...Was that really me?

After about three babies I finally learned that I had to allow my body to go through its changes and let nature take the time it needed. I learned that my real job was to make myself feel as good as possible, so that I could give love, not just care, to my family.

After a C-setion with baby number seven, nothing I did could flatten my pooch. I think it was the control freak in me that found pilates back when the only one doing it was Mari Winsor. I said to myself, "This is it! Finally a way to flatten my belly. If I can just do some every day, I will fit into my clothes again!"

In my interactive video pilates workouts, it's all about control. I guess after going through so many pregnancies, I can't get enough of that fantastic feeling of a toned, fit pilates body. Call it an addiction if you like. I jokingly tell my students, "Pilates is great for codependants. It's all about control!"

But it's no joke when you don't know if you'll ever have your body back. When you know your partner loves you but you can tell he'd like it back too. My Pre and Postnatal Pilates series covers everything. Even pilates tips for a few days after the birth.

What was the challenging part of your recovery? Leave your comments. I really do read them and respond.

Sugar is not the Only Killer - with Your Online Pilates Coach

Did you ever wear a ring and notice that it left a grey mark on your finger? Do you have bad breath especially in the morning? Get heartburn easily?

If you’re like most people in the U.S., your body has become a too acidic. Your cells have a pH level which is below the best balance for optimal function. So why is that a problem? Too much acid will:

• decrease the body's ability to absorb minerals and other nutrients
• make it more susceptible to fatigue and illness
• decrease its ability to repair damaged cells
• decrease its ability to detoxify heavy metals
• decrease the energy production in the cells
• make tumor cells thrive

Before panicking, there are many things you can do today to lower your pH. Count this blog as a blessing! Your body can be “fixed” and maintained. You don’t have to memorize an entire food chart. Just understand what generally falls into each category. Science disagrees on some classifications but the extremes are clear.

If you are working out regularly or doing pilates exercises with me, you are producing more acid for your body to attempt to neutralize. Acidic bodies don't have as much energy. If your taking "power drinks" like Red Bull or Mountain Dew, or 5 Hour Energy, you probably see a pattern of crashing with exhaustion or a tendency to "sleep in."

You may want to pick up some pH test strips from the drug store if you are really concerned. The higher the pH number, the more alkaline your body is. And that’s a good thing.

It is important to note that some foods may seem acidic, but in the body, they are alkaline forming. Take a fruit like a lemon. It is certainly acid. But when the body digests it, it has the effect of raising your PH or "alkalizing." Now you know there is a difference between alkaline forming foods and just plain alkaline foods.

Also, the alkalinity or acidity of food can change depending if it is eaten raw or cooked. Most veggies help the body to alkalize if eaten raw, and some veggies are considered less acidic if eaten with their skins, like potatoes.

Our pH level is all about what we’ve been putting into our bodies over time. The All American diet is extremely acidic. If you are implementing my messages in the articles thus far, your pH balance is certainly improving! Keeping your blood sugar level stabile means not taking in lots of high GI foods.

Here are some easy ways to further alkalize your system:

• Start out by really pushing alkaline producing foods and drinks, while eliminating the acid producers.

To get your pH numbers up, be deliberate about choosing alkalizing foods. Buy and drink alkalizing water. Remove artificial sweeteners from your home if possible. Use stevia, if anything. Take a few weeks without alcohol if you drink regularly. Lower your coffee intake. Eat proteins like whey (not isolate), yogurt, and raw almonds. Keep fresh veggies cleaned, sliced, and out in the open and munch on them throughout the day. Refer to the complete chart I’ve included below.

The general direction for choosing alkalizing foods is to increase most fruits, colorful vegetables, peas, beans, lentils, spices, herbal seasonings (not salt), seeds and nuts. This goes along with our new way of eating! Remember not to add any high GI fruit (these keep our body in a fat storing mode).

• Add back acid producers carefully.

You can still eat beef or drink coffee, for example. We just need to set limits here. Get ready for my next blog, “The New Shop.” It will give you habit upgrades that will help you and yours for the long term!

We all need good fat and protein. Most of these are acid producing foods. Try eating more of the medium acid producers. For example, chicken (without the skin) is much less acid producing than beef. Add the fantastic habit of keeping crunchy delicious fresh veggies available, and that alone will go a long way toward maintaining a nice pH level.

•  Add minerals.

 If you have been acidic for a while, your cells are likely depleted of many important minerals and trace minerals. You can drink mineral water and keep eating veggies, and take chelated absorbable minerals like calcium, magnesium, and even trace minerals like chromium and copper. A combination mineral supplement which has been made more absorbable through chelation is best.

• The easy one: Drink more water.

You can buy alkalizing water, but just staying well hydrated throughout the day helps balance the pH of your cells. Clean and flush bad metals from the body. Help your cells to absorb the good minerals you will be taking.

If you are not in the habit of staying hydrated, try keeping clean water at room temperature reachable throughout the day. Don’t give yourself a quota of water consumption. Judge whether you are well hydrated by how often you need to use the bathroom. I know it can be an annoyance but we need to get up and stretch and move while working! Getting up for a quick bathroom break allows us to do that.

I’m not going to tell you how often you should be going but it should interrupt other things during the day. If you don’t remember the last time you went, your not doing so well.

Here is the best list I have found to help you understand which foods work best. Please remember, high glycemic foods are not good options. Notice that they are mostly located in the high acid producing category anyway.

Let’s look at some foods ranging from alkalizing to high acid producing.

Extremely Alkaline or alkaline forming:
Lemons, watermelon, Cantaloupe, cayenne, celery, dates, figs, kelp, limes, mango, melons, papaya, parsley, seaweeds, seedless grapes (sweet), watercress.

Asparagus, fruit juices, kiwifruit, passion fruit, pears (sweet), pineapple, raisins, umeboshi plums, and vegetable juices.

Moderately Alkaline:
Apples (sweet or sour), alfalfa sprouts, apricots, avocados, bananas (ripe), currants, dates, figs (fresh), garlic, grapefruit, grapes (less sweet or sour), guavas, herbs (leafy green), lettuce (leafy green), nectarine, peaches (sweet), pears (less sweet), peas (fresh, sweet), pumpkin (sweet), sea salt (vegetable).

Beans (fresh, green), beets, bell peppers, broccoli, cabbage, carob, cauliflower, ginger (fresh), lettuce (pale green), oranges, peaches (less sweet), peas (less sweet), potatoes (with skin), pumpkin (less sweet), raspberries, strawberries, squash, sweet corn (fresh), turnip, vinegar (apple cider).

Slightly Alkaline:
Almonds, artichokes (jerusalem), brussel sprouts, cherries, coconut (fresh), cucumbers, eggplant, honey (raw), leeks, mushrooms, okra, olives (ripe), onions, pickles (homemade), radishes, sea salt, spices, tomatoes (sweet), vinegar (sweet brown rice).

Chestnuts (dry, roasted), egg yolks (soft cooked), essene bread, goat's milk and whey (raw), mayonnaise (homemade), olive oil, sesame seeds (whole), soy beans (dry), soy cheese, soy milk, sprouted grains, tofu, tomatoes (less sweet), and yeast (nutritional flakes).

Neutral:
Butter (fresh, unsalted), cream (fresh, raw), cow's milk and whey (raw), margine, oils (except olive), and yogurt (plain).

Moderately Acidic:
Bananas (green), barley (rye), blueberries, bran, butter, cereals (unrefined), cheeses, crackers (unrefined rye, rice and wheat), cranberries, dried beans (mung, adzuki, pinto, kidney, garbanzo), dry coconut, egg whites, eggs whole (cooked hard), fructose, goat's milk (homogenized), honey (pasteurized), ketchup, maple syrup (unprocessed), milk (homogenized).

Molasses (unsulfured and organic), most nuts, mustard, oats (rye, organic), olives (pickled), pasta (whole grain), pastry (whole grain and honey), plums, popcorn (with salt and/or butter), potatoes, prunes, rice (basmati and brown), seeds (pumpkin, sunflower), soy sauce, and wheat bread (sprouted organic).

Extremely Acidic: Artificial sweeteners, beef, beer, breads, brown sugar, carbonated soft drinks, cereals (refined), chocolate, cigarettes and tobacco, coffee, cream of wheat (unrefined), custard (with white sugar), deer, drugs, fish, flour (white, wheat), fruit juices with sugar, jams, jellies, lamb.

Liquor, maple syrup (processed), molasses (sulphured), pasta (white), pastries and cakes from white flour, pickles (commercial), pork, poultry, seafood, sugar (white), table salt (refined and iodized), tea (black), white bread, white vinegar (processed), whole wheat foods, wine, and yogurt (sweetened).

You now have enough basic understanding to help you to move in a better direction of balance throughout your body. I know it's a lot to take in. If it's a bit much, just focus on keeping those fresh veggies available, drinking more water, and choosing low acid protein.

Take home point: Not spiking your blood sugar or letting it dip is again confirmed as our most healthy lifestyle upgrade and gives the most bang for the buck!

You can comment here or more directly from the contact us page on my fitness membership. Pass this on to a loved one or friend who may benefit!

What is Virtual Fitness?

Remember when you heard about the iPhone? People were saying that they could read email on their phone. You heard them talking about surfing the internet through their phone.

What did your mind do with that?

When the human brain receives information it attempts to categorize according to the existing data. We try to make sense of new things given what we know. We are living in a time in history when new ideas and inventions come so fast that many of us believe we can never catch up.

The fact is, we can't. The good news is that when we make our best attempt at keeping up with a few of our favorite topics we gain a tremendous amount in value and convenience; things that make our lives better or more fun!

Some of us may be familiar with the gaming systems that can "feel" your movements and cue the screen and audio to let you know how you are doing. Some have used Skype to attempt to train one on one. You've likely seen ads for the Weight Watcher online membership as well as many others like it.  Here they have specific food plans, and exercise videos you can download.

Advanced Virtual Fitness = More Personal Care

Technology is always advancing yet it comes down to a feeling of personal care. Nothing can replace that warm, mutual connection of affirmation and appreciation between a fitness trainer and her student. This is why trainers like myself love what we do so much! Nothing can replace the sounds, smells, and excitement of that group fitness class where you love the trainer and enjoy the others working out all around you.

Many sites attempt to offer this feeling with various coaches and trainers on video downloads. This virtual fitness is a great idea. The convenience and variety are wonderful. But they can never match the live connection between trainer and trainee. We've all heard stories of how someone was finally able to become consistent because of that coach who gave them the extra boost they needed to believe in themselves!

Convenience and the Personal Touch

What I've done is taken the convenience and affordability of online pilates workouts and found a way to stream them for maximum speed. I film and add to what has become over 100 video pilates classes for all ages. Social coupon specialist Michelle says, "It's like pilates Netflix."

Technically, that's exactly what it is.

As an online pilates coach, I wanted to make my membership as personal as my own pilates studio: first, you have direct access to me. You can email me and I will personally respond within 24 hours; second, I added a four level Weight Loss Program. Each level has video meditations, cardio pilates classes, motivation and diet articles.

As soon as you enroll with me as your online pilates coach, you'll receive regular email coaching with video encouragement right in the email! Here's the comfort zone: There is no selling, no commercials, no ads, no links to sell other people's stuff. Just personal care.

The payoff for me is that I get to train hundreds of people with online pilates and become connected with many of them while I support my family as a single mom. I believe that there will be many more like me who will give this level of personal care using all of the fantastic forms of fitness and upcoming technology there are!

The moral of the story: Do your best to keep up with new technology no matter what your age. Your life will get better and better, and you will "feel good now!"

How to be a Super Mom

“Haven’t you figured out where those come from?” 

“Are those all yours?” 

“You know you can do that just for fun.” 

I tried to laugh and say, “We baby proof our house but they’re still getting in.” or “I’m the coproducer of seven tax deductions.”

I’m talking about raising little ones here.

We were moving into a new neighborhood with four kids ages 18 months, 3, 4, and 5. As the boxes came off the truck I met a new neighbor, Tiko. He told me some people down the street had three kids under age 5. I shook my head and listened as he shared how he couldn’t believe people could have that many kids....

I often do that with people who bring up the subject. I enjoy hearing their thoughts and allowing them to learn about me later.

One of my favorite compliments was when someone thought my 8 year old daughter was my niece. Sadly, I knew the reason was because I was well dressed, really happy and detached, and just enjoying my precious girl.

My message today will come with resistance for some of you. You may see me as insensitive or even uncaring. Please bear with me. You are exactly the ones who need to hear it.

Why is it that so many of us have gone to some kind of therapy or group and found ourselves needing to share some of our mommy issues? Those of you who have done this after the child rearing years, have already passed along many of the same issues you needed help with. 

The reason I preface with such a serious statements is that because this is serious. Science confirms that every time we feel fear, anger, worry, or any of the negative emotions, the baby in our womb is less likely to thrive. Every time our kids see us lose it, they feel insecure. That’s bad. We do not want that.

“But kids are resilient,” you say.

That may be so, but why add more negatives for them to have to recover from or worse yet, get used to. Getting used to a negative patterns in Mom can do great damage to the children’s future potential for happiness.

The good news is that the solution is much easier than you think, but often the last thing that “good” moms do.

Let’s get specific

Sorry, I’m not going to give you a list of bullets like:

• Go on a weekly date with your spouse.
• Pray or meditate every morning before the kids wake up.
• Take a nap when the kids do.
• Do my video workouts three times a week.

The real solution is a lot more basic.

It lies in taking time to listen to our thoughts and knowing how you feel. To go to the feeling place. Ask yourself as if you are asking your friend, “How do you feel right now?”

That is where we begin. We must learn to identify our feelings. If you aren’t comfortable with that or you don’t know how, you’re like most people. If you don’t want to, you’re signing up for big problems.

If your pretty comfortable articulating or just knowing how you feel, practice it. Get a feelings journal started. But don’t stay there!

That next step is to train your thinking away from thoughts that don’t make you feel good. Take some action to distract yourself from thoughts that are critical, worried, angry, or whatever; try to think of positive aspects of that person or situation.

“But it's true!” you say.

“This did happen!"

"He did say that!"

"They are doing that!” 

Many of us are trained to constantly problem solve. This keeps us in a mode of looking for bad things to be concerned about. Praying for someone’s bad situation can become a preoccupation with the problem rather than believing for the solution. 

If a bad thing is true and we allow it to effect our day, who are we helping? Not sure, but I know who we are hurting. Our little ones experience their world through us and our reactions to it.

The solution comes now. New Moms, this is especially for you: Do whatever you can do to feel good all day long.

Oh I can hear the reactions of some of you. “How the heck am I supposed to do that?” “Are you crazy?” “This must be some New Age stuff.”

Let me know what you think. I’m willing to take some heat for the sake of the little ones.

Love and Pilates

"Is she going to write some juicy story about meeting her true love while making a pilates video in Miami? Is this about how much she just loves teaching pilates classes? Oh brother, that would really bore me."

I got involved in a Linkedin conversation. It began with a pilates teacher and her dilemma. She was having a hard time reconciling her passion for helping people with their bodies and her need to make money doing it.

As I read other's advice to her I considered my experience. What is it that I enjoy so much about this?

We all care about others to some degree. We want to see people feeling relaxed and comfortable. We like to see them smile and talk about funny stories or great events. The times when we don't are a direct reflection of our disconnect with ourselves.

We've all done it, "How is it hat she has that great car? Her father must have given it to her." or "What is he doing with that beautiful girl? She must not be very smart."

That ugliness just means we are off track. We are not opening our eyes to our innate value and worthiness. Appreciation and love, on the other hand, are powerful catalysts for multiplying the goodness around us. The beauty we appreciate is revealed. As we perceive others with tender kindness, a flood of positive energy comes.

When I am teaching a class with this love and appreciation flowing through me, its like magic. I am far from the best, most knowledgeable online pilates instructor. But when this perception of the beauty and greatness in every person is flowing, the electric current of pleasure, the eagerness to improve the body, the appreciation of the body, we all expand together toward the perfection that is already in us.

I think that's what love is. Appreciating the good and seeing it in people and things and letting those feelings flow through me. I can teach a class or make a pilates video without those feelings going through me but why would I want to?